Mr. Grinch and Max at the Port aux Basques parade. – © Rosalyn Roy / Wreckhouse Press Inc.
By Jaymie White Local Journalism Initiative Reporter
SOUTHWEST COAST — Every holiday season, as twinkling lights adorn Christmas trees with presents wrapped beautifully underneath, as Christmas carols play and the smell of hot chocolate fills the air, one green grouch gets particularly prickly.
The Grinch, in his infinite childishness, decided that terrorizing the streets of Whoville wasn’t enough for him again this year and has been spotted in communities up and down the West and Southwest coast, wreaking havoc, corrupting children, and generally running amok.
The Wreckhouse Weekly managed to hike up to his cave atop Mount Crumpet for a no nonsense, one-on-one interview.
Q: How many times have you been arrested in the past couple of years? You got arrested at the Christmas Adventure in Stephenville again this year.
A: It seems like every time I am out, I get pinched by the RCMP. I think it’s four times now. No wonder I feel grouchy. How’s a Grinch supposed to Grinch if I’m always getting caught? I need a couple of Who Helpers.
Q: I know you ended up in a squad car at Christmas Adventure last year, how did you manage to escape? Did someone spring you?
A: Well, the cops were silly. They decided to showboat me and left the door open on the other side. I just climbed out and legged it. Q: How does Max even put up with your nonsense?
A: Max loves me. Pure and simple. He doesn’t mind so much because the more attention I get the more he gets, which works out well since he’s such a good distraction.
Q: Does Max get treats and belly rubs or are you Grinchy to him as well?
A: He gets those all from the nasty little lovable Whos. I can’t be bothered.
Q: I hear the kids were boosting you over the counter to steal skates at the Bruce II Sports Centre. How do you manage to corrupt the innocent children and drag them into your shenanigans?
A: Well, it’s actually not that hard. Little Whos are easily corrupted because they seem to think it a great laugh to help me get into places I shouldn’t be. I just wish they didn’t draw so much attention to me. Makes it harder to be sneaky.
Q: Do you have problems with Max outshining you with the children, being as sweet as he is?
A: No not really. Like I said, he’s a good distraction. He might be sweet, but he’s very helpful when it comes to taking ornaments off of trees or sneaking up on people.
Q: How are you feeling since your small heart grew three sizes?
A: It stinks. I have a small conscience now, and it stops me from destroying things completely. I would rather it be two sizes too small so that I could actually not feel bad for throwing coal at children.
Q: How does it feel not having your own holiday like Santa?
A: Oh I’m fine with it. Who wants all that love and adoration? Let the fat man have it. I would rather people just dedicate a rainy day to me, or a nice rotten banana.
Q: How does it feel having Santa steal your attention at Christmas?
A: Honestly, what does he do different than me anyway? He breaks into people’s houses. He sneaks around. He influences kids. He’s terrible. Only difference between him and me is I look better in red. He needs a shave and a salad really.
Q: Are the Whos down in Whoville ready for Christmas?
A: I don’t know. I hope not. At least there’s no snow. A nice solid rain is falling, so that’s perfect. And if they are, well there’s no hope for them. They can’t be taught grinchiness.
His heart may have grown three sizes, but that hasn’t stopped the Grinch from causing a ruckus and complaining about Christmas. No doubt the green shenanigans on the Southwest Coast will continue next year. Merry Grinchmas!